One of the scariest things about returning home after a lengthy time away is the thought that since your family survived without you, why and how will they need you when you come back? There are a couple of things to keep in mind here. First of all, whether they just barely survived by eating fast food and turning yesterday’s shirts inside out to wear another day or actually thrived while you were gone, you need to know that you were missed. No matter how they got by without you, there is nobody in the world who can love the way you love your family. Step one is to let them know that you and your love are back for them.

Secondly, since your family is still alive, your role may have changed and time needs to be taken to find out where you now will fit in. This can be a freeing experience when you come to realize that before you left, the most important thing that you may have done was cook and clean. Since you weren’t there to do that, it was still done, which means that they can do those things (not as well as you, of course), but that may free up your time to spend helping with homework or playing games with them.

The best way to find out how you will be needed now that you are back home may be to quietly watch how your family interacts and look for opportunities to enhance that interaction, without interfering or trying to change how they interact. Pray for the insight and opportunity to see and fill those areas of need that aren’t being filled. Ask how you can help; share your ideas that you have learned while abroad. Make yourself available and be open to whatever role you will now fill. The greatest commodity that you can give to your family, no matter how long you were away – is you!

Al Detres is a father of four and a Christian Minister inOregonwho has a son currently serving in the US Army .

Talk about complicated! Whether in the military or married to a military guy, the life of a military wife has to be one of the most challenging tasks known to humanity. Between moving from one base to another to being alone for months at a time during deployment to never knowing what the next day will bring, the life of a military wife is not one for the faint of heart. This life is one for women of great faith.

There is a story of two great women of faith in the Old Testament, Deborah a prophetess forIsraeland Jael, the wife of Heber the Kenite. According to Judges chapter 4, These women had it going on! Deborah was such a great leader that Barak, commander of the Israeli army, refused to go into battle against the enemy commander Sisera’s army without her. She agreed, but told Barak that a woman would get the credit for the victory if she went.

Barak agreed and when the Israeli army routed the enemy army, Sisera ran to the tent where Jael and her family lived. Jael lured Sisera into her tent, covered him, gave him milk to drink and let him fall asleep. Once he was asleep, she drove a tent stake though his skull and killed him. This act of heroism brought about a huge victory forIsraeland both women got the credit for the military victory.

What does this have to do with being a military wife in the 21^st century? Women have always been called into countless scenarios that require courage and sound thinking. Military wives need to keep their minds focused on what is true and real this day, knowing that God is in control of their lives and the lives of their husbands and families. Worry is not an option.

Al Detres is a father of four and a Christian Minister inOregonwho has a son currently serving in the US Army .

When people find out that I have a son in the military, they ask me how I am taking it. “Taking what?” I ask right back. I’m not sure what kind of answer they were expecting, like I should be losing sleep at night worrying about my adult son who made a very grown-up decision to enlist in the army during war time. Not the best choice from a purely pragmatic point of view, but I sleep just fine at night knowing that my son is up all night on guard duty protecting his country and that God never sleeps.

The presence of faith in my life allows me to think of my son without worry. I know that he is in God’s hands and the only thing worry will do is erode my faith. There is nothing my worry will do to help keep any of my children safe from harm.  This is what peace of mind looks like. I love and care very deeply for all my children but have placed their well-being into God’s hands whether or not I am there.

This isn’t to say that I should be stupid or not careful. No, I just know that God will take care of them when I can’t and in ways that I could never even try. I also know that bad things happen to people every day and that could be one of my children, whether in the military or not. I just choose not to worry about what is not and focus on the reality of live as it is today. My children are healthy and happy and my military son loves his country, his God, his family and his life.

Al Detres is a father of four and a Christian Minister inOregonwho has a son currently serving in theUSArmy .